Lovely Lady May
From the archives of May 2025
Welcoming the new month has been tedious and strenuous at the deeper moments, but we continue onwards. We are shedding the anticipation and buildup from the start of the month with two sweet planetary (well, Placidus) transits from Uranus to the North Node. Tomorrow, we will awaken with the Moon sitting in Cancer’s pool - emotional and tender.
I have been enjoying the month of April. However tumultuous. In traditional fashion, let’s recap a few favorites and static positions of the mind!
Some darling happenings:
I’ve been dearly enjoying the process of aligning my mental “sweeping” with my physical positions. Clearing away messes (have recently identified that I am definitely not a Type A. Definitely not), getting rid of more clothes if that was even possible.
Found my trope pair of heeled loafers. They have little hearts at the tip. Just like me!
Closed out yet another Leuchtturm. God how I love my soft covers.. this one journal has lasted me for the whole of 2024 and then some. Bye bye!
I attempted to give myself a pair of black boots for my birthday on April 12th but did not - just wasn’t feeling it. I know I will have ascended when I meander to some cowboy boot galleria and hear the leather calling to me. Kind of lonely without a pair clacking on the ground for me.
We’ve migrated from soft rock to country. I’ve been abstaining from most music as the noise both distracts and mutes my sensors - so when I do, it’s usually some miscellaneous mid-America playing aloud.
I feel quite settled. Things around me may move quickly, sometimes viciously, but I feel some sort of awareness for each breath. I could not make this out into words but I find myself feeling anchored and grounded, maybe.
I’ve been a bit more militant with my time distribution; it’s somewhat difficult to phase in and out of information reception and retention/succinct, achievable tasks often with multiple steps/cohesion of topics for the purpose of long-time planning modes. I do recognize that certain portions of the day are best for certain tasks and thus.. practice, practice practice.
Unfortunately, in the midst of corporeal responsibilities, I’ve neglected my physics and science videos! This is a broad experiment I started and ran for two weeks. It is daunting to consider that my skill in media has deteriorated, but I gain nothing standing in denial. Soooo, I combined the following:
Something I’m interested in (science, space, tech, more)
A format I am out of practice in (speaking tone, facial expressions, ENUNCIATION, physical placement and movement especially when standing)
I recall that previous experiments were not well positioned for long-term upkeep. Taking a topic I low no interest in (Harry Potter.. I am still sad to say that I was not too invested in the Hogwarts universe.. and only really developed that after a few iterations) was not immensely successful. It was quite illuminated in a statistics sense but I don’t think I enjoyed it enough to continue.
I think the space and science videos are better positioned for this purpose. I am going to save that as my little happy place. It is difficult not to ramble into technical language and sprinkle theoreticals on my audience.. I do my best to explain things, though mostly in metaphors.. the more dramatic the better, as I lose a Gen Z attention span quite quickly. The record is usually a drop off at 15-17 seconds. Much better than I thought, given that videos are 40-60 seconds each.
I got a lot of DMs praying to God to send a “smart, nerd wife like this,” and I do so hope that God (world, universe, fate…) gifts them with their desires. I am glad that my videos have sparked public interest in this character of mine! My audience is 97% male. Yeouch.
The topics en route:
More cosmology of course. I will stray from reiterating the brane bounce/various expansion and consider more quantum. I think this is more for personal satisfaction than anything.. I don’t see that on the “most popular” search queries.
NLP is always going to haunt me. I am not an overthinker (at all.. but maybe I should be) but I sure do think about thinking a lot. We are programming ourselves constantly!!!
This also offers interplay between my previous media experiments. The basis of “reality shifting” is mental programming. Some of it was definitely a thematic psyop (cue the potions and pleated skirts?) but therein lies the truth. Unlike that one New York Post article that absolutely obliterated me the moment I sent out my interview responses. Worth a laugh though!
I do wonder if I can set a tone for conscious awareness in this way. More exploration necessary.
More biogenetics.
I have particular interest in the STEM cell → embryo interactions after investigating on LessWrong
I got an array of comments requesting more “freaky biology.” I don’t know what freaky could be, but there is no reason to abstain from mental propaganda!
I’ve also discovered that enunciation takes a lot more effort than previously imagined. I’ve siloed my external vocal engagement to the following:
Necessary (work)
Socially-necessary (grocery store, post office, bank, customer service calls)
Leisurely (immediate family, neighbors, a singular friend somewhat infrequently)
So! You can see how that minimal activity contributes. In my daily exercises, I’ve found that I have difficulty pronouncing. I’ve always known that I speak WAY too fast both in person-to-person engagement and on camera, but something is off with my tongue placement. I have to ramp up the jaw and tongue action because it seems like an issue with mobility.
I did! However! Discover that I grind my teeth at night. I am having a night mouthguard being 3D printed for my violent sleep habits. I had no idea. This soreness would explain the limited pronunciation functionality, I guess.
My internet usage (moreso socials usage) has died down significantly from a publishing perspective and only abstracted to posting and engaging necessity - though X scrolling has drastically dropped (attributed to lack of interest in my feed lol) and disdain for cellular usage and I’ve replaced documentary/YouTube viewership with Yellowstone episodes. And you wonder how my desire for open fields is being satisfied… Now you know. I am on season 3 and I am praying that Beth and Rip get married.
Let’s end with a list of loves:
Falling asleep thinking about reading, cooking, riding, shooting, learning, taking naps, eating all of the fruits. Thinking about stargazing, waking up with the Sun, waiting patiently for a silver moon, sitting with animals. Being friends with the wind, the air, the river, the mountaintops, watching the clouds. Writing often, reading always. Lighting the whole house with love for life.
Little sweet, secret treats of miscellaneous nature…
Chocolate chip cookies (I enjoyed some from Tate’s but consequently found walnuts.. and found my throat tight a few minutes later)
Linen tanks and boxers. Is it time to change the bedspread to linen yet???
Thin pens on thick pages of a novel
Dipping into fantasy for once. Why not encourage the mental speculation of reality!
Did I already write about black nappa leather cowboy boots with cute heels?
No makeup!
B-12 chewables after an array of horribly-flavored vitamins. I do like all the vitamins but it’s hard to deal with 8 pills before I get to my yummy B-12.
The calm my stomach feels after satisfying the tangerine juice obsession. I must have cleared around 20 bottles in the month: 2-4x bottles per week. Usually with every meal or snack, sometimes as a replacement.
Sunlight. It is true that we shy away from the light, but I have emerged from that phase of life. I like it.
Flowers every week. I need something on my desk. I think this a pleasant gift. No reason. This is relevant, though - much of my tasks are achieved in a masculine sense and it is difficult to balance and nurture the femininity that one cannot shake. Very small window that engages that aspect, and not reactionary very often. So, I discover ways to create this space for myself!
Okay, great April. Hello lovely, sweet, step-forward May.
M <3